Any ladies want to smoke(some pole)? m4w - 37 (San Francisco)Below is the best illustration I could create using solely keyboard characters to show you what I am fully expecting to happen tonight.
My name is Greg. I'm a 37 year old man who needs to take at least a double-dose of Viagra daily for my penis to be even relatively sexually functional. I want to warn you in advance, so that your not alarmed, that my testicles are freakishly large in size (each is slightly smaller than a golf ball). I just don't want you to be frightened when you see them, because they'll more than likely be repeatedly slapping you in the chin/face area for the better half of the 2-5 hours it takes me to fully climax.
I've also recently been taking a vitamin supplement that has allowed me to ejaculate massive amounts of fluid, so I will provide you with the necessary eye protection (laboratory goggles or a custom made motorcycle helmet) for when I do orgasm Wear something patriotic because I plan on putting on a show of semen that rivals a Fourth of July firework display.
I'm looking for a certain type of woman to come over an fulfill my needs. You need to be between the heights 6'3'' and 6'8'' (the taller the better) and be very bulky/muscular with obscenely huge nipples. I have no racial preference but I do require that you have at least a reasonable amount of hair visible on your upper lip. If you do not meet the facial hair criteria, I have a movie quality glue-on mustache that I would request you wear throughout our session. You can choose from a pencil thin style, handlebar or what I've deemed the fuzzy caterpillar (my personal preference).
We can arrange to meet at my place or yours. But if we do it at my place, you will have to be very quiet upon entering because my mom lives right down the hall from my room and we don't want to wake her. The last time I tried something like this, she walked in on me pleasuring myself with a papaya and I got grounded for a month. I know, I'm 37. But hey: her house, her rules right!?
Please respond to me and title your email "Call me the vacuum 'cuz I'm always ready to suck" so I can filter out spam and I know you're serious.
Editor's Note: Hello, Ladies. Greg, 37, is looking for a quick hook up. At posting time, he needs at least a daily double-dose of Viagra. He advises his potential mates to bring eye protection because he plans on "putting on a show of semen that rivals a Fourth of July firework display". Also, he prefers hair lips and if required he will provide a movie quality glue-on mustache. We failed to mention that he still lives with his mum. (FYI this could be a fake but still funny regardless).