6/5/09

Extra Credit, Yo?

Why you want to date my face off, in 7 easy reasons - 29 (Boston)
I am the embodiment of the word "Dope" (that doesnt count as a reason!) I couldn't think of anything more apropos than a top seven list because top ten lists are amazing.

1. whiskey:
I drink a wonderful brown elixir (see: whiskey as a substitute for water. 8 glasses a day. it makes me smarter, stronger, and more attractive by the glass. (it also tends to make fat girls skinny, and ugly girls hot, and anything that talks to me close to closing time a supermodel, so it has its drawbacks.) I'll ether die before I'm 30, or live forever. wouldn't you like to see which?

2. I'm a writer:
Snooty writer friends are good to have, because they (we) are assholes and sneer down their (our) noses at everyone. calling them neat things like philistines and troglodytes. when you see them (us) trash everyone but you, you'll get the warm fuzzies.

3. I'm fucking cooler than the last guy you dated.
I wear cool clothes, have cool hair, go cool places, know cool people, have cool dogs, live in a cool neighborhood, listen to cool music, and do cool things.

It's a little sickening really.

4.My name rhymes with cool things:

Which is super important if i ever decide to branch out into the underground hip-hop circuit. you never know, right? i'd hate to try to be rhymin' shit with Herbert, or Leslie. those are punk-ass names. for serious.

5. Kung Fu:
I don't KNOW kung fu per se.... but I know about it and I wish I knew it which makes me better than 69% of the population.

6. I'm tall:
Need someone to reach something off a tall shelf? I'm your man. you never again have to worry about wearing tall heels on a date, or the boy you're having drinks with thinking less about hanging out with you, and more about the ad he saw for shoe inserts in the back of details magazine that could make him 3 inches taller.

7. I like the finer things in life:

I don't have many, but I like the shit out of them all.

ok so tell me about how fucking dope you are, and why we would have an awesome time. also, include a picture. you don't get to be this big of a cocky asshole without setting a few standards. no pic, no response.

My picture is attached..(as if you needed any more convincing. You're totally sold. I can feel it. maybe I'm Psychic!)

REASON 8! I'M FUCKING PSYCHIC!!! xtra credit, yo.

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