4/4/09

Searching for Goldie Locks

Smarter than the Average Bear - 31 (SF)
Actually I've never really hung out with any bears so I have no reference on which to base their intelligence. I guess I'm just assuming I'm above average in "bear smarts."

Now that I've given you that really useful information about myself I'm sure you are about to pick up the pone to call mom and tell her you found a wonderful guy.

To that I say, hold your britches. We haven't even exchanged an email. I usually at least wait for an email before I notify my mom.

I guess you might want to know some facts about me. Here you go:

fact 1. I was born left handed but switched to right had because I wanted to "fit in." I still use my left hand a lot even though everyone makes fun of me for it. (they dont.)

fact 2. I once stole a cardboard cut out of Elvis from a 50's diner because I was bored. Actually I was the get-a-way driver. We were plotting for weeks. (Not really.)

fact 3. I am about four feet tall.

fact 4. Fact three is a lie.

fact 5. I'm hung like a ken doll. Actually that's a lie too. For some reason I felt compelled to write that. (Does that make me weird?)

fact 6. I'm weird. (well, mostly my sense of humor.)

That concludes this round of fact telling. I'm confident I have given you ample information in which you can determine if you would like to pursue further relations with me. (I'm awaiting tons of spam.)

So there you go, you are going to have to make the tough decision about weather you should email me. That or just pretend this never happened. I know the choices are tough. On one hand you can go about you life as you normally do, crying about how you are a loser and can't find a good man, or you can email me and begin to pull yourself out of the gutter.

Whats it gonna be? Lonely loserville or totally sweet awesomeville with this cool guy who compares himself to bears. Actually, in some ways I am kind of like a bear, without the violent mauling of course.

So anyway I'll be expecting you.

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