4/27/09

One Flu East One Flu West

**Editor's Note: Based on news reports on the swine flu, we are expecting martial law and quarantine camps by Friday-complete with plague-like deaths, burning corpses in the street, and nuking small towns from orbit. Thus before the end of the world, why not attempt to find true love or just get laid? Mark Twain once wrote, "let us endeavor to live, so that when we die, even the undertaker will be sorry." Enjoy these swine flu themed ads and stay far away from us.**
Looking for nice girl without Swine flu - 32 (SF)
I'm looking for a charming, clean girl that doesn't have Swine flu. In fact, overall good health is a plus. Someone that baths regularly and washes their hands after using the bathroom. If you want to wear one of those goofy cloth masks on your face, that's okay too.

P.S. Don't bother contacting me if you just returned from Spring Break in Cancun or you own a pet pig.

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Swine Flu Pandemic - 35 (Boston)
It will be horrible to die alone in the impending plague. I hope to meet someone to share the isolation of influenza quarantine. Please reply if you have a post-apocalyptic wardrobe and the temerity to steal scarce vaccine.

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Last Chance for Survival! - 21 (Seattle)
I don't mean to startle you, but what the CDC Is not telling the public is that the Swine Flu is spreading at an alarming rate. Not only that, but its mutated into something much worse, people effected with the virus are turning into flesh eating zombies. Your only chance for survival is to join me in my fallout shelter at a secret location. There's only enough supplies for me and one other person to survive long enough until the virus and zombies have died out.

Due to the amount of responses I'm sure I will get, I will be giving a rigorous physical/mental exam. to the top contenders. After we emerge from the fallout shelter we will be able to rebuild the world bigger and better than it was before. Come with me if you want to live!

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