**Editor's Note: The below ad reads like a bad Dane Cook film.(For the record all his films are bad). This man offers a service to the newly broken hearted--"a rebound date from hell". The poster goes on to state "many references available. only 1 failure to date, and that girl was so nuts, i married her." We aren't sure how many women find this type of ad appealing. But it fits here. Enjoy!
Set your recent EX up on a date with me. m4w (Miami)Set your recent EX up on a date with me. i'm in good shape, have an active lifestyle, and am married with 1 child. What, you say? here's what i offer:
i will give your ex the absolute worse date of her life. with basic info provided from you, a chance encounter (maybe she'll break up a staged mugging) will lead to an exchange of phone numbers / IM information.
After juicing up the potential of an exquisite first date, the chess game can begin. with promises of roses and a night out at Don Schula's resturant, i'll show up at her door in my rusty old ass Ford Ranger, hand her a teddy bear purchased from Faith Farm, and take her straight to the closest Checkers restaurant. i'll let her order at the window, and of course, have her pay for it (i believe in dutch on the first date, but i'll make it clear that we will share the bed later on). once i order my checkerburger, i'd take a few drinks from my flask that i have in my pocket (it's water, but she won't know that). i hope the bugs aren't out tonight. well, if they're not attracted to my skanky cologne, i don't know what would bring them out.
from there (if she even got into my truck), we'd take a quick drive to the beach. i will run off the road a few times, and have a decoy partner in another car, which i will proceed to rearend (my fault, of course), fishtailing that decoy off the road, while putting the blame on him and of course, taking off.
once at the beach (she didn't dive out of the car onto i95 yet?), i'll get out of my seat, and climb into the bed of the pickup. i'll try to warm up the situation with some nice talk (why don't you come back here and give me a xxx xxxxx and then we can xxx xxx xxx with bacon and xxx xxxxx xxxx xxxxx xxx twice at her face).
after the 2 to 4 hour charade (depending on how long her character can hang out with my alter ego), she will go running home, and if she doesn't call her best friend to dish out all of the nightmare i just put her through, she will be sure to call YOU.
many references available. only 1 failure to date, and that girl was so nuts, i married her.
trust me...nothing can make you look good like i can make you look good. rates are fair, and surveillance of the bad date can be made available for your future reference / laughs.
let me know...
the rebound date from hell