I'M SO BADASS THAT ... - 28-m4w(NYC)If I were an animal, I'd be a giant hawk that had wailing guitars for wings and could shoot lasers out of its' eyes. So Badass.
When I go out at night, sexy lady bartenders name drinks after me like El Commador, The Machismo Machine and Cupcake Cuddle Sweety Face (for the sensitive girls out there).
My alarm clock is the sound of 20 Harley Davidson's revving their engines and I'm so bad ass, I sleep right through it.
When I go to the gym, I stack three eliptical machines on top of each other so they can handle my super badass workout. I sweat knives.
One day out of the year, I will leave my temple of all that is the Bad Ass and give you the attention that I am given everyday. Some may call this day "A Birthday", but I call it, "Chivalry is not dead day". On this day you will buy yourself a present, wrap it and give it to me to hand to you, then I will reimburse you for half the retail price, minus tax. The Badass do not pay tax.
By now, I bet the only thing you can think of is, what do you have to do to meet someone so kind, so sweet, so debonair and so BADASS as this? Am I right?
Since, craigslist won't sponsor my Sexy Lady Cagematch idea to win my love, I have come up with an alternative. Only responders with a photo of themselves acting out one of Tawny Kitaen's many fine scenes in the epic video, Here I Go Again by the musical talents of Whitesnake, will be considered.
So Badass. Thank you for my time.
Editor's Note: We had to include the above referenced video of "Here I Go Again". Turn it up!