Ironically UNAppy

...It is so hard to get a woman to hang out! I'm not even approaching the topic of sex..that gets harder ...especially if you're not into going to bad parties ..You have different standards than men.

Why? What's the problem? Let's photo-copy a Harpers Index at the library, buy some wine and listen to 'Avalon' by Roxy Music. You bring the checkers, I'll bring the board! I'm good looking, fun,I have a fun place, great music, smart (UMich educated)...and.....Get this...

I know what I'm talking about.

For example...never trust a guy who uses hair gel.

Never look for a flyswatter in a bodega.

Never trust anyone, especially a guy, who does not like Prince.

Its JIF never Skippy.

Never order Showtime.

If you meet a guy and he's a techno deejay, immediately ask him who bombed Pearl Harbor. If he doesn't know, then he's a dumb asshole with no future and you'll end up paying for everything (I know..I deejayed tekno, haus and elektro and most deejays I knew were poor-blooded and dumb)

Besides your mother, spouse or child the individual who cuts your hair is the most important person in your life.

Gay asians have the worst music collections.

Straight white American males have the worst taste in almost everything else.

If you're Puerto Rican but raised by an Irish step-father, then you're paranoid and can't forget why.

Gals who have lots of ink (not stripper wings on the lower back..I mean real ink everywhere) are scientifically proven to be immune to buying shitty music (I don't have any tattoos, they look painful).

Devo is the most under-rated band of all time.

2001: A Space Odyssey was about another civilization warning us that they were nearby and that they could kick our ass.

The only places worth going to in Williamsburg are Mikey's Hook Up, Uva's and The Bedford Cheese Shop.

The Halal cart on 53rd and 6th is the best lunch deal in NYC...dirty car, smelly balls

....and so on...feel free to get in touch!

Editor's Note: Enjoy Hipster Olympics!

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