Editor's Note: This ad was sent in by a Boston reader. He writes,"I looked in the dictionary for the definition of fat bitch. Not surprisingly this (ad) is what I found." Ouch a bit harsh but the reader describes herself as "a good fat chicken". Plus the defining of terms becomes a bit tedious. (Keep up the great work readers!)
Incessant. (clickity click?) - 18 w4m (Boston)
I'm bored. We should talk on AIM or the phone or something. But before we do, there are a few concepts a vast majority of you are having some issues with. So, being the saint I am, I'm going to attempt to spell it all out for you.

Let us begin.

I am fat. F-A-T. Fat. Not thin.
Fat: –adjective
1. having too much flabby tissue; corpulent; obese: a fat person.
2. plump; well-fed: a good, fat chicken.
I'm also things like: cute, intelligent, shy, articulate, blah blah blah. But none of those traits will matter to you if you don't appreciate me being a good, fat chicken.

This is where I will write about what I am seeking. You are:

18-30: This generally means that you have not spent more than 30 years outside of the womb. It means that at your last birthday, you had between 18 and 29 candles on your cake.

Single: This is a tricky one for quite a few of you. Single, by definition, means that there is only one in number. Guess who the one is? You! You are not married. You are not romantically involved with anyone. I realize that in your mind, waking up next to a woman you have strong or fleeting emotions for on a daily basis doesn't mean you are with her, but...it does! You are also not engaged or planning on engaging anyone soon.

This also means that if we decide we like each other and pursue a monogamous relationship, you should heavily consider severing all ties with the women you are dating and having sex with in addition to myself.

I am NOT seeking any purely sexual relationships. I'm a girl. If I want to have sex, I can walk outside and shout "Hi, I would like to have sex today," and there would be at least one volunteer. I know it's much more difficult for a lot of men, and for that, I offer my deepest sympathies. Perhaps you'll be a woman in your next life. Anyway.

This means that I do not want to have any of the following items with you unless we both plan on being together in other ways at some point:
-Anal sex: (n) intercourse via the anus, committed by a man with a man or woman
-Oral sex: (n) sexual contact between the mouth and the genitals or anus; fellatio, cunnilingus, or anilingus.
-Sexual intercourse: (n) genital contact, esp. the insertion of the penis into the vagina followed by orgasm; coitus; copulation.

I'm kind of offended by the definition of sexual intercourse, though, because my sexual intercourse is SELDOM followed by orgasm. Dictionary.com is a sick joke!

So, I think that about covers it. Love you, bye.

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