Related: Just Beet It!My Torrid and Reckless Affair with Spinach - 27 (Boston)Things were different back then. Sure, there were other green leafy veggies, but spinach and I, I don't know, we just managed to keep a safe distance from each other. Maybe spinach was shy and playing coy or perhaps it was me playing a bit of cat and mouse. Hard to say at this point, but suffice to say, spinach and I were strangers in the dark.
And then, one gloriously and obviously divinely intervened day, whilst roaming through the fresh produce at the market, I saw her, glistening wet with beads of water from the over-veggie sprinklers. I stood there staring at spinach. Everything around ceased to exist, or at the very least, slowed down to a drawl. I heard nothing and saw nothing, other than the shiny mound of spinach. She winked at me. I blushed. I turned away. She maintained. I turned back. She smiled.
I said, "Come here often?" Just kidding. I said, "Ok spinach, it's time you and I had a go of it. Let's really try and make this work."
I picked up my spinach, and I don't mean 'my' in terms of possession, I mean it in kind of the way you would say, "that's my girl." Spinach and I made a hasty exit, got on a motorcycle and headed straight for home.
I'm not going to beat around the bush, we were both pretty excited about the way things had gone thus far. Let's face it, she was cute. I know she had the hots for me, you could just tell, you know?
We flirted for awhile, seeing how she looked in one bowl vs. another bowl or one Teflon pan vs. another Teflon pan. We settled on a 12 inch beauty of a pan. She was pleased and she looked good. I chopped up a massive amount of fresh garlic, only the best for spinach, heated up that garlic in a helping of succulent olive oil, roasted it just right.
Spinach could hardly keep her excitement to her leafy self. She nearly dove right into that sweltering puddle of olive garlic goodness.
"Hey now spinach, settle down, let's do this right, take our time, take it slow, not rush things, you know?"
She smiled that playful smile and said, "Alright hot stuff, you're right, let's make this count."
I placed spinach in the sizzling spectacularness in the pan and watched her coil up in delight, turning a bright green from what I can only assume was arousal. There was no mistaking the smells emanating around us, lust, longing, craving, desire, and of course sautéed spinach and garlic. Intoxicating, we danced in the pan, umm, she danced in the pan, I watched, and when she was just right by scent and sight, I plucked spinach from the dance floor and placed her in a bowl fit for a queen. My oh my, she sure did look gorgeous, heat in the form of smoke rising from her loins. We moved in for the embrace, I taking spinach into my mouth, slowly maneuvering her around my mouth, savoring every last bit of her, from stem to leaf, and finally putting her in my belly.
After finishing my spinach, I sat, for hours, contemplating life's bigger purpose… Damn you spinach, how could you leave me this way? I'm so alone spinach, I need you… we really had something…
And pretty much, that was ridiculous, but, umm, ok… I'm a seriously f'n handsome, fit and athletic, reformed non-spinach eater. No joke, you'll see, maybe, if you're not a scary monster. You should kind of be like me I guess. And Hi. Please attach your pic.