11/13/08

God Given Date

Dear God, - 36-M4W (NYC)
Hi it's me, Eric. How've you been? Anyway, God, I was wondering if you could help me out with this little something. Where have I been going wrong on this dating thing? I thought this would be too easy.

What was with the girl who showed up looking 12 years older than the photographs she sent? Yeah, and thanks a lot for letting her trip on the nail sticking out of the sidewalk. You couldn't catch her for me or at least break the fall?

It happened so fast. Like I really needed to spend 6 hours in the ER because I was concerned about her drive home. That huge Fred Flinstone bump on her head. Yikes it looked like her underdeveloped twin.

And thanks a lot for that unbelievably gorgeous brunette from South America who let me know on date number two that she has a lengthy history of taking anti-psychotic medication. Are you kidding me God?

She wanted me to sign this contract about our future relationship together, where I had to agree to do things like massage her feet at least once a week, how often I had to take her out, etc. No, I swear to you, you sent me this person.

God, I'm not feeling sorry for myself and thanks for everything you do for me, really, but come on Man, send me someone worthy already. Enough is enough. Make her beautiful.


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Related: Who would Jesus Date?

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