11/19/08

Do NOT Want

Editor's Note: According to Urban Dictionary, "do not want" is used to indicate that one does not want to see, hear, know, or have anything to do with something. Some sources suggest the phrase originated from the poorly translated English subtitles of the Chinese version of Star Wars Episode III. Oddly enough, this Engrish took off across the Internets. The saying is used for comic effect or in this case a personal ad.
What or Who I Don't Want - 40 (Philadelphia)
Okay, I posted a while back and composed the ad to reflect the kind of woman I wanted to meet. Suffice to say that while I received responses that were outwardly in line with what I'd posted, there was a litany of "deal breakers" that I'd not anticipated.

And so, having learned that lesson, what follows is a list of what I am NOT interested in:

-women with children who speak of nothing other than their ever-growing and evolving relationships with said children.

-women with children who have to get their "fun" in during their off weekends.

-women who go from 0 to 60 in one date, and then go from 60 to 0 over the next week, all the while neglecting to inform me of that fact.

-women with bizarre rules about giving and receiving, and/or women who are glad to receive but think giving is "gross."

-women who are tactless or impolite but cloak it in the catch phrase "I'm just being honest."

-women who believe that being female grants them a free pass to be rude, fickle, inconsiderate, or moody.

-women who pretend to act like they didn't realize you were interested and say "...but I thought we were friends."

-women whose idea of HWP is Rosanne Barr.

-Republicans, evangelical Christians, and women who think evolutionary theory is a fiction.

-women who need 4 Jack Daniels on the rocks to wind down every night.

-women who think a "little oxy on the weekend is fun."

-women on anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety meds.

-women who think Danielle Steel is the greatest author of our time.

-women who think Jimmy Buffet is "really great."

Okay, that about covers it. You can probably discern a few things about me from the above.

However, I'll add that I'm a nice, laid-back guy who lives in a house full of plants and a dog I sprang from the shelter. The Big Lebowski is one of my all time favorite movies, I regard Moby Dick as a novel of dark humor, I play guitar in a blues band, I'm a really good cook, I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy, I speak French, I loathe the pretenses of the bourgeoisie, I smoke, I'm 420 friendly, I adore Sunday brunch, and I'm uninterested in ever having kids of my own.

Pic for Pic.

Related: The Conditioner

No comments: