9/17/08

Milfhunternator Seeks Palinescapade

Skinny hipster intellectual seeks Sarah Palin. Not Sarah Palin type. - 28 (DC) m4w
Sometimes opposites attract, right?

You used to proudly claim that you stopped the Alaskan state government from building Don Young's $400 million bridge to nowhere. Instead, you've built a $400 million bridge to my heart.

Me: skinny self-consciously mussed hipster type. My hobbies include Russian authors, bicycle maintenance, and well written indie rock. I am thin and lithe like a Transalaskan pipeline and slightly lascivious, like those books you so wisely tried to ban from the Wasilla public library.

You: self-consciously dowdy but exceedingly scrumptious republican power MILF. You know a little bit about Russian authors because you governed the state closest to Russia. Sadly, you know nothing about bicycles but that's OK, because means of locomotion without carbon emissions are unamerican. You have a daughter named Bristol, and that's cool because some of my favorite brit rock bands are from Bristol.

We totally would have been a hot couple in high school, because you were the captain of your high school girls basketball team, and I was manager of my high school's JV girls basketball team. You say that some of your good friends are gay, but that you don't support same sex-marriage because it doesn't feel right. I can understand this, as I've tried making out with boys before, but I didn't do much more because it didn't feel right.

Lets get on a helicopter and shoot some wolves in the ANWR...I know you're good at this, because you supported it enthusiastically as governor and used to hunt in the early mornings with your father before school. You know I'm good at this because I totally kick ass in the airborne vehicle stages of Halo 3.

I hear that you charged the Alaskan state government $50 a night to spend nights in your own house while campaigning aggressively for smaller, cheaper government. You can rest assured that I won't charge the good citizens of Alaska for the nights you've spent in my dreams.

Come to me, my darling. Let's make a change we can believe in.


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