Stalker Needed - Min. 2 Months - 27 - (Dallas) m4wI am in desperate need of a stalker, for at least the next 2 months...(possibly longer if everything goes well). I am a 27 year old white male, who is fluent in english.
Said stalker will NEED to do things such as:
- Random voicemails accusing me of cheating
- Love notes written in creepy handwriting with a crayon, professing your undying love for me, left on the windshield of my car
- Driving down my street and later deny it violently even though I was standing by the road looking right at you. Just because you don't make eye contact when I catch you doesn't mean it didn't happen
- Call my parents and tell them you're pregnant. When they ask who it is, giggle and hang up
Most importantly....improvise...there's nothing like someone banging on your bedroom window in the middle of the night
- Wear a wig and shades...watch me with binoculars from 20 feet away every time I check the mail
I will need these services performed at least twice a week. One of those days must be a Tuesday. If you can't do a Tuesday, skip that week altogether. In lieu of the Tuesday night rule, you may send mail postmarked on a Monday that arrives no later than Wednesday, and leave a "trinket" in my freezer while I'm not at home - no exceptions. All rules may be ignored if stationary with tears and perfume are involved
I will provide you with my address, access to my apartment, my phone number, name, and work address.
Stalking is over only if I actually decide to take you back.
For your services, you will receive:
- 1 autographed picture of Dave Coulier
- 1 Judge Judy DVD
- 7 cans of tuna fish
- The opportunity for me to take you back
If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I would like the stalking to begin as soon as possible.
Rewards are negotiable.