3 Step Dating Program

I'm a terrible person - you've been warned! - 23 M4W (Philadelphia)

I believe in setting expectations upfront: There's a good chance I'll semi-accidentally break your heart.

I'm a nice person who enjoys occasionally flouting social norms and acting like a jerk because it's entertaining, and as long as I get a laugh, the rest is secondary. I'm confident and know what I want and I expect the same of you.

So here's what's going to happen after I decide you're not a certifiable loony and we meet up in person (you did come to craigslist to meet people, right?) :

1) Assuming you look somewhat like your picture and not like your picture 3 years and 60 pounds ago (at which point my non-existent dog will get terribly ill and I'll have to leave), we will have a great conversation talking about times past and our mutual love for fine things made out of mahogany.
My philanthropic contribution for the day will consist of quizzing you on random esoteric topics to ensure that you shouldn't be banned from a professed "smart person dating site". If you pass the test, we'll flirt by insulting each other and then change locations from one bar/coffee shop/crack den to another, as I enjoy constant changes of scenery. At this second place we'll continue talking and flirting and having fun. I'm a social person, so expect random people to get incorporated into our conversations as I see fit. At some point in the date, I'll allow you to kiss me and then pull back first. I'm the prize, deal with it.

2) If I've decided I like you enough to want to see you again, we'll talk a few days later and meet up again. I may or may not bring another date along as I believe in the free market and competition. You're not a communist are you? The venues for the second date will be different but the fun will be the same. The process of deciding if I like you enough to see you again will continue indefinitely.

3) Between all of my interest then disinterest, you will fall hopelessly in love with me. I will recognize this and start to pull away in an effort to prevent your heart from breaking, thereby causing you to fall in love even harder. Eventually, you'll become too needy and I'll have to start ignoring your calls, but I'll always cherish the time we shared.

P.S. Your photo gets my photo without the artistic effects (I'm even better looking without photoshop), unless you're ugly!

No comments: