3/4/08

Suckers

My Lollipops are Metal-Free - 30 M4W (Seattle, WA)

oh boy, those chinese lollipop manufacturers are at it again.

i'm thinking disgruntled lollipop employee who lives next to a staple factory. that's the only reasonable explanation.


well, although i'm ethnically chinese, let me assure you: my lollipops are metal-free. actually, i don't have any lollipops at all, but if i did, they wouldn't have any metal in them. that's got to count for something, right?

and if i were a lollipop manufacturer, i would make sure i kept the supply closet under lock and key.

no one's baking staples into any lollipops under my watch!
not that any of my employees would do that. i would pay them enough so that they could have a car in the garage, a turkey on the table, a white picket fence, and braces for the kids. as we all know, this is all it takes to be happy (with occasional picnics in the park). they would be the happiest lollipop makers ever (with the exception of the affairs, divorces, bad dye jobs, catastrophic weather-related phenomena, fishing accidents, and mid-life crises but none of it will have anything to do with me or my lollipops)

also, i don't have genital herpes. i only bring this up because there's a valtrex commercial on the tee-vee right now. so no herpes, no staples in lollipops.

you're pinching yourself, right?

what are you waiting for? let's make it happen: you bring the lollipops, i bring the beer.


p.s. i brake for white girls.

Editor's Note: This ad becomes 10x funnier if you replace the term "lollipop" with the term "blow job". Even better images come to mind when you use Urban Dictionary's definitions.



No comments: