3/6/08

Hello Little Girl

Editor's Note: In this birthday clown creepish ad, the below MS Paint pictures appeared along with the ad text. We did NOT create the images however, we attempted to capture the exact placement of the images in the below post. Enjoy.

It's PICTURE STORY FUN-TIME! - 28 m4w (Boston)

Welcome, boys and girls. It's time for your favorite part of the day - Picture Story Fun-Time!

Today, we will be learning the story of J, the hero of the story. You may not be able to identify with J at first, but read on... you may find by the end that J is someone you like very much!

Once upon a time, there lived a guy named "J." Now, his real name wasn't actually "J" - that was his first initial - but we will call him J because he gets embarrassed easily.

J was a pretty normal guy. He was tall, had brown curly hair, blue eyes, and an unremarkable nose. J also had very nice teeth... which was good, because he smiled a lot.
See J, children?

That's right, J is wearing a blue sweater. It's cashmere. Can you say "Cashmere"? That's the soft stuff that mommy's sweater is made out of. No, it's not gay for a guy to be wearing it. Let's move on.

J lived in the magical land of Waltham, home to gigantic owls and hawks and falcons. J lived in his own apartment, which was much larger than necessary for one person - but that was a good thing, since he worked from home. You know work, right children? That's what daddy and mommy do after they drop you off at school.

(No, Tommy, it's not what they were doing that night you opened the door because you thought you heard a monster in their room.)
Anyway, J liked working from home. He was very good at it. Here is a picture of J working.

Can you guess what J did, children? See the two computer screens on his desk?

That's right, J is a NERD. Say it with me... "NERD."

Specifically, J was a nerd in organized sports. (But J also doesn't want everyone he knows to see this post, so I won't tell you which sport specifically.)

What else did J do with his time? J went to school - just like you! Except J's school was for grown-up people who wanted to learn about things like "Price-to-Equity Ratios" and "Leveraged Buyouts." J went to a special kind of school called BUSINESS school, where he learned lots of interesting things, most of which would bore you to tears.


See J? He is also bored to tears, just like you!

Oh, wait. That's drool. J is drooling on his laptop while sleeping in class. That's gross!

Now we come to the fun part of the story, boys and girls. This is the part where J meets a special lady friend. "Ooooooooooh" is right, children!

J's special lady friend was a sight to behold! She was tall (somewhere between 5'1" and 6'1"), and slender (somewhere between 95 pounds and 195 pounds, give or take... a lady never tells, remember that girls), and she had beautiful hair that was the color of wheat, or possibly red or brown. Her eyes were like the color of two emeralds, or sapphires, or maybe garnets... pretty much anything except rubies. She was the envy of her friends, because she was intelligent, and graceful, and funny, and especially knew how to laugh at herself when she said something stupid while falling over her own feet.

Do you want to see a picture of her, boys and girls?

Of course you do! Just keep looking....

That's right - she could be you! Did you like that story, children? If so, please email J and tell him how much you liked it. Also send him a picture to keep him entertained during his hours of boredom at work and school.

And who knows? Maybe one day YOU could grow up to be J's special lady friend!

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