3/27/08

Dj Humpalot

Happy...ummm? (For All the Ladies)--30 (Portland)

Let me tell you ladies about the sex party I went to last night.

You see, some really good friends of mine have their business throwing these parties, and well, trying to be modest, I am hot and kinda the life of the party.. and I play the music. I guess you would say I help break the ice.

Now, these parties are aimed at couples, so me being a single guy, I unfortunately never get an action, but I get to see all the action in the world.
Ladies!, I have to apologize at this point.. I am so sorry your men are totally clueless at knowing how to pleasure you! The statistics I see at every party I DJ for are that only 1 out of about 20 couples I see at each party knows how to really get it on.

I see it happening over and over. The guy fumbles around trying to touch or lick his woman and she has the look of "do it this way, do it harder" on her face, some will even try to coach their man, who doesn't get it, and they always finish with the girl looking sexually frustrated, but trying to act happy for their man. If the girl gets off, its because she got herself off.

Its a fun job, well, because I get to see some hot people naked! .. but its kinda like torture, because I leave really horny and unsatisfied, but hey, I need the extra cash, and horny people need the music to boink to. I guess what Im trying to say is, I am a hot guy, with a hilarious personality, and I am really really really good in bed!Girls at these parties hit on me constantly, very hard! ..and if I were anything less then the respectful guy that I am, I could take these women from their loser boyfriends, but I don't because that would ruin the greatness of who I am.

So, if you are hot, single and don't want to be, looking for a really great guy to call your own, really really horny and love to be intensely pleasured, then I am your man!

Pics are a good way to get attention, but if you ask for one, send one first and tell me a little about how you like your pleasure.. hee hee.. and about yourself too.

Hey, be brave!

Dear Dick Jockey:

It must get extremely annoying when you've dreamed of being a lord of the dance floor your entire life. You studied up on various types of music—jazz to break beats. You spent thousands of dollars on brand name decks, turntables, mixer and now the essential Mac Book Pro complete with Final Scratch. You search the web and back crates of record shops for white labels and other obscure imports. You train spot every track when you out at the clubs and parties.

All this work, the only gig you can muster is swinger sex parties? (one step above strip clubs?)

Face it, djing for you is a uncreative and easy way to earn some extra dough. It allows you to feel like a rock star on “stage”. The DJ booth, like sports cars, guns, and movies about men in submarines, is just a big phallic symbol. This leads one to believe that you must possess a small penis.

You may be addicted to the easy money and easier women, and you may not ever, ever have the discipline required to make real art, but you can escape the soul-killing shame of pretending to possess some skills, knowledge, or talent, beyond sucking ass for bookings, and buying other peoples' records to play.

Just give it up man!

Cheers,
SPA

PS. Be sure to check more dj shots at LOL DJs

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