A Bitter Ray of Sunshine


I want to have nothing to do with you.

Oh sure, I'll briefly convince myself that you're what I want. And maybe you'll believe me. But really, there's nothing you can do for me that some other girl hasn't already done for me. Nothing you can do for me that I can't just as easily do for myself.

You'll think I'm great, and this is because I am. I'm tall, in shape, and am told I'm attractive and a good lover. I have a professional degree, a prestigious job, a trendy apartment, and a nice car. I can cook your socks off, talk movies/music/literature/politics/religion, write you a poem, sing you a song, make you hand-made cards for no reason at all…

Indeed, I can be one charming motherfucker when I want to.

And for a while, with you, I will want to. Which is what will make you think you love me. You'll want your mom to meet me. Your dad and your brothers will love hanging out with me, and your sisters and friends will complement your choice and secretly want to fuck me. You will have it made.

But make no mistake about it – there is NOTHING behind this smile. I am smarter than you, and this will eat both of us alive. It will occur to me that I do not respect you. You will forever be held to a standard that you will be unable to meet. Gradually you will mean nothing to me, and then it will get nasty. I will set about systematically destroying you emotionally.

I am emotionally unavailable. You will not be sleeping over. It's been three years and I'm still incapable of thinking of anything but her.

Consider yourself a surrogate vagina until someone else who bores me less comes along.

After reading that post, check out the American Psycho trailer revisioned as a romantic drama.

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