All I want for Christmas IS Herpes? WTF!? - 37
Bellow you will find my one and only wish for Christmas (that is for myself, of course I want things for other people but this is CL M4W which means it is for me)
As I sit in your lap Santa I can smell cookies and I think you spilt some milk in your beard that is going sour. Don't be alarmed Sir as I understand you have been working hard to get the toys ready for all the children around the world and the misses has been leaving you to your duties as "SANTA" and everyone knows elves are short and typically don't get close enough to smell you. But please wash your beard. I recomend some Old Spice body wash or Dial soap for men, it is nice stuff.
Now I hope that this gentelmenly higene assesment isn't taken wrong as that may affect my gift. I am not trying to be rude or over step my bounds. But I have waited a very long time in line to present you personally with my christmas wishes and while the chocolate chip cookies are very nice sour milk is just not for me. Never the less I hope that after your busy night of delivering toys to the multitude of children your wife takes good care of you *nudge* *nudge* *wink* *wink*..
This leads me to my christmas wish.
No, no silly I do not want to warm Mrs. Clause up while you are away, that is not to say that I don't think she wouldn't be cosy, just that she is married (I don't cheat and would hope that no matter how many times children see you kissing mommy under mistletoe on Christmas eve that your fidelety is in as much tack as mine.)
Rather that is to say that while you snuggle back in with Mrs. Clause after a hard nights work that you have left me with a present as lovely. She doesn't need to be perfect cause I am not. she doesn't have to be a supermodel (but that won't hurt my feelings). She doesn't need to be rich cause I am working on that myself (remember the money last year? oh ya, apparently not *sigh* but I still believe in you).
But she does need to want to find someone to love. She does need to be honest, friendly, courteous, and fair.
But most of all Santa, she should have herpes or not be afraid of me because I do. You have known me for a very long time. Maybe you could talk to her and let her know that I am not a beast, a freak, or someone to be frightened of.
Does your daughter have herpes?
Wow really? (secretly I hope she doesn't look like you)
Thanks so much Santa for giving me your daughter.
Oh wait.....I don't have to learn the family business do I? What are you doing with that shotgun? OMFG! your elves are good with these restrains.
Hey Hey HEY let me goooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh ya and a spell checker would be nice.....*chuckle*