11/5/07

No Love Super Zero

A Man Called NOVA - 40

Hello- a little about myself:

After becoming a member of the galaxy's Nova Corps, an intergalactic police force, I gained great strength, a degree of invulnerability, the power to fly, and a uniform with a sealed life support system, but little instruction on how to use these new powers. Still, I have accepted the life of a superhero, fighting costumed villains in San Jose and gradually learning how to use these new powers.

Last year I was called into space to protect the recently reconstructed planet Xandar, the same w
orld where my great powers originated. Eventually tiring of a life of constant intergalactic war and hoping to rejoin my Earth-bound friends, I had requested a return home to Earth. I was told I must relinquish my powers in order to do so, and reluctantly, I agreed.

For a time, I lived a relatively normal life working on the internet and have been content making ends meet and enjoying life as a normal human. All the while wishing I could find a way to regain the powers I have lost. I have spent a great deal of time with the Nova Corps and made many appearances with Spider-Girl, but I have lost touch with all of my super hero friends.

If you are one, or know any of them, please let me know by responding to this post with the following questions answered:

1: Tell me what makes YOU a super hero.
2: I am called NOVA, but do you know my real name?
3: What do you do to have fun on this planet?
4: Send me a picture of yourself and I will do the same. Priority is given to those who are wearing their super hero costumes.

Thank You, -NOVA-

Dear Bucket Head:

Your real name NOVA, means "NO Vaginal Activity."

Your climaxing fanboyorganism and obsession towards the Marvel colored pages leads one to assume, you are the main character from the film, 40 Year Old Virgin.

With an ad like this, you will catch the eye of homely girl with an extreme unicorn fixation and genetically reinforced grooming problems. Also, she will have no ability to modulate the volume of her speaking voice--she's either ninja quiet or elephant loud.

To sum up your personal ad from a Simpson character, "worst personal ad ever!"

God Speed,

SPA Intern

No comments: