10/10/07

Brain Sold Separately

Seeking Carpenter Ken AKA Ken with a Power Tool - 27 w4m
The only thing missing from my life is a great guy with a fabulous torso who wants to come over and work on my house. He wouldn’t live here as he would have a mansion of his own and a job where he magically makes oodles of money. In addition to making oodles of money and keeping up his six pack, he would maintain three cars: a fully restored classic, a car he is currently restoring and a fabulous fast sleek sexy car with great air conditioning.

He would also have lots of time to come over to restore my car, change my oil (while I watch, sipping iced tea with an umbrella in it), clear out my rain gutters, replace my termite-eaten siding, pour a new slab out back, fix the garbage disposal and train my dogs.

While doing this he will always look crisp and clean and hot (but not sweaty). He will immediately sense whenever I begin to feel hungry and will magically change into sexy-night-out-Ken and take me to a fabulous dinner.


Unlike the plastic Ken*, I would prefer him to have nicely proportioned and well hung genitals which I may or may not play with.
*The term "kendoll" refers to the shrinkage of the male genitalia do to cold water or a fearful situation. Such intense shrinkage occurs that the package resembles that of a Ken doll.

I want all this so that I can be in bed by 10pm, reading my book or my magazine or whatever I want to read. At 6am I can get up and go for a run (without my dogs since Ken will be walking them daily), come home, shower, make myself breakfast (Ken doesn’t cook), eat, slowly drink my tea and spend 2 hours writing the screenplay that I started 3 years ago and never found time to finish.

After this time I will go to work on thinking of more things for Ken to do.

In the afternoon, I would like to go for a hike to avoid the loud annoying noises Ken makes while he mows my lawn, trims my trees and saws and drills that new sun portch. When I get home I will vacuum (Ken doesn’t clean) and then Ken will take me to dinner.

Afterwards, he will drop me off in one of his awesome cars, kiss me good night, and I will be in bed by 10pm.

On Friday nights or whenever I want to, Ken will take me after dinner to his mansion where we will spend two hours in his massive master suite in his Ken sized bed. Once I am satisfied, I will fall asleep (by 11pm) and Ken will go sleep in the guest room with the frilly curtains because I can’t sleep sharing a bed. When I wake up in the morning, Ken will return to service me just before his maid comes in with breakfast on a tray (fresh fruit, yogurt and toast for me). The maid will have a fabulous cleavage that I will feel no shame at staring at but all in all she will be obviously just a little less hot that me.

On Saturday, Ken will take me to some romantic spot that I have never been and will have hidden away somewhere a nice cold bottle of champagne or some beers which he will produce at just the right moment. He will also magically produce peppered brie cheese, crackers and fruit (preferably organic berries).

Then he will return me to my house so I can write, read and think while he shops for furniture.
**The term Barbie and Ken is used by some married couples who shop for each other's clothes. The man will dress his wife in an outfit from head to toe to his liking and the woman will do the same.

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