Nervous Wreck Seeks Domineering Bitch for Rebound Melee - 33
Insecure depressive seeks despotic ballcrusher to finalize descent into madness. Ineffectual communication skills and aggressive codependence experience a must. You should possess the uncanny ability to turn a sunny Disneyesque day into Dante's ninth circle, and frighten me into sleeping with one eye open; uncertain if your razor-like talons are poised for my inevitable evisceration.
Please be able to completely annihilate any residual faith in humanity, delusions of happiness, and sense of self worth. Depigmentation of my hair is not fully complete at this stage - and I am looking for you to finalize the process. Bonus points for initiating enough stress to drag me down the path of premature baldness, or inducing permanent stress-related gastrointestinal damage.
Please view our relationship as nothing more than a conquest to be subjugated. I expect you to reduce me to a raving and drooling shell of a human being before moving on to your next challenge. The only compensation I can offer is the knowledge that your name will be unceasingly repeated as I beat my head against the walls of my padded cell.
Yo, dude, you want a job here?