3/13/05

Plant Abuse?

Philodendron Fetish - 23

Do you enjoy being tied up with tropical houseplants? How about morning glory? Do domestic ivies turn you on? Consider this scenario: I show up at your apartment dressed as a cat. You strip off your human clothes (or don a tight green leotard) and hunker down in a giant ceramic pot full of soil. Maybe we'll add a little bark for added drainage. Those water gauges shaped like butterflies are sexy too. Anyway, while you pretend to be a fern I'll chew on you and maybe knock your pot over. Then I'll hack some crazy shit up all over your rug. Sound hot? Write me.

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My Jewish Mother is Nagging Me

And while I know in my heart she's right, I'm getting a lot of guilt about not having a girlfriend at this time. Of course I want to meet someone and settle down, who doesn't? But I just haven't found whomever she is yet so the crap I'm taking is really starting to bother me. So if you're Jewish and b/w 25 and 33.

I guess, then email me with a picture and some information about yourself.

Oh and for clarification purposes:

1) I'm not kosher and only go to temple twice a year

2) I'm not a Jewish mama's boy or anything - I just hate hearing this shit and needed to vent

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Top ten reasons why an attached man can take care of your needs on an temporary basis until you are ready for a relationship.

We all have needs and going without intimacy for long periods is not easy, but you also do not want a relationship with someone who will bother and hound you. You just want intimacy and maybe the reasons below will convince you to consider having a no strings relationship on an interim basis whether it's with me or even another guy. I may convince you that its something you should do, but once we write we may determine that the logistics do not work for us and that is the reality of these sort of relationship. Enough with my long winded explanation. Read the list below and if you are interested send me an e mail and I promise to respond within 24 hours to you.

THE TOP TEN REASONS TO HAVE AN INTERIM NO STRINGS SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ATTACHED MAN IN A SEXLESS SITUATION HIMSELF:
1. They are always starved for sex
2. You'll always know that you, too, are there for the sex. There is no nonsense or games playing. We both know we want great sex.
3. You'll be the most important date on his calendar and you'll know that you'll get off regularly -- without losing your independence. You're life is none of his business.
4. He will not be doing it with anyone else
5. They'll tell you it's the best blow job they've ever had in their life and honestly mean it
6. They'll tell you things they've never told anyone else, and actually listen while you do the same
7. If they tell lies about themselves, it's their loss -- not yours
8. They'll make you feel like the most desired woman in the world
9. They won't leave you for a younger woman, because you're probably it
10. When you find another boyfriend, they'll have to take it quietly

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